Starting Over
A Journey Through Reinvention and Resilience
Starting over is rarely a one-time event; it’s a process that often repeats throughout life. It can mean different things at different times, and for a long time, I equated starting over with failure. It felt like each new beginning was an admission that I hadn’t gotten it right the first time. But life has taught me that starting over is not about failing; it’s about resilience, learning, and the courage to reinvent oneself. This story is about my experience starting over—particularly in the evolving cannabis industry—and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.
Entering the Cannabis Industry
My journey with cannabis began in 2015 when I tried to launch a cannabis sorority called Femme Nuri. The cannabis industry was still emerging, full of potential but also unpredictability. Despite my efforts, Femme Nuri never fully took off, and the disappointment was profound. To distract myself from that sense of failure, I threw my energy into another passion project, Rogue California, a swimwear brand that allowed me to channel my creativity as a San Diego native. Unfortunately, timing worked against me; the brand launched in February 2020, just as the world was shutting down due to the pandemic.
Personal Struggles: Health, Family, and Friendship
During these tumultuous years, I was unknowingly navigating perimenopause, distancing myself from toxic family relationships, and facing financial hardship that brought me close to homelessness. On top of that, I received a neurodivergence diagnosis for Autism and ADHD. This explained a lot about my past struggles but also opened up a new layer of complexity. It was a period of intense upheaval, marked by the realization that many of the people I considered friends in the cannabis industry were not truly friends at all.
The industry markets itself as a “community,” but beneath the surface, it can be as cutthroat as any other. I found myself replacing toxic familial relationships with equally toxic industry relationships, repeating old patterns but with different people. Coming to terms with this was a painful but necessary step in my growth, and I’ve spent the years since then healing and learning from these experiences.
Multiple New Beginnings: Lessons in Persistence
Since entering the cannabis industry, I’ve had to start over multiple times. My first foray involved doing social media management and photography for a local delivery service, where I proposed a private concierge service that didn’t gain traction. Undeterred, I tried to launch it independently, but that didn’t work out either. I then created a “Moms Who Smoke” group, only to run into trademark issues with an existing group that supported cannabis treatments for children. This led to a rebrand as Femme Nuri, but dealing with the setback was harder than it needed to be, thanks to my Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD).
The cycle of launching and letting go continued with Rogue California, which faltered due to the pandemic and complications related to international trade policies. I even attempted to revive Femme Nuri between 2020 and 2022, but my passion for the project had faded. It was difficult to let go of these ventures because I kept convincing myself that if I could just solve one more problem or add one more feature, I could make it work. But the truth is, some things just aren’t meant to be.
Embracing a New Chapter: Chronically Cara
Now, I’m starting over again, but this time with a different mindset. “Chronically Cara” is more than a project; it’s a form of self-care. Some may see it as a vanity project, but I view it as a platform to showcase my skills and share my experiences. Through this new venture, I plan to explore a variety of interests: website design, vlogging, creative writing, an informational cannabis blog, and even a legislative push to bring back alcohol-based tinctures in California. There’s also a possibility of launching my own coffee line.
What matters most is that these pursuits feel authentic to me. I’ve realized that the opinions of others are secondary to my own sense of fulfillment. Chronically Cara is about creating a space where I can grow, experiment, and continue to start over, as many times as it takes.
Moving Forward: Dreams and Aspirations
I have big dreams and even bigger plans. Starting over isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about learning from it and carrying those lessons forward. I’m excited for what’s to come, and I hope you’ll join me on this journey of continuous reinvention.
